The Search for Happiness

I have a lovely life. I've been so lucky and fortunate and I'm really grateful that my life so far has been full of many beautiful people, experiences, events and situations. I've enjoyed huge freedoms, have done lots of things most people haven't done, travelled widely, shared my life with several wonderful dogs, enjoyed many deep, supportive and loving relationships. and raised two incredible daughters who are the loves of my life.

So why aren't I happy?

Why do I feel anxious, terrified, overwhelmed, desperate, unhappy?

Why, without antidepressants, do I cry uncontrollably and act and speak in ways that make me question my sanity?

Enough is enough. It's time for me to make some deep, drastic changes to make sure that the rest of my life (hopefully 40+ years) will be vibrant, fulfilling and above all, happy and mentally healthy - without the meds.

This blog seeks to find some answers, create plans to increase my happiness quotient and hopefully, along the way, provide help and support to other people who feel the same as I do - because I know I'm not the only one.

The fact is that happiness is not a goal in itself.

We so often believe that external things will make us happy and that other people are responsible for our happiness. If only he loved me, if only I had more money, if only I owned that new TV.

And sometimes we get those things. We fall in love with someone who loves us back, we get a promotion, we buy the latest 5HD screen.

And we'll be happy in the moment, until the novelty wears off, and then our happiness levels reset to where they were before. We get complacent in our relationship, we complain about the extra work the promotion has brought us, and a better TV comes out which we then start desiring.

So is happiness just a mirage?

Or is it a tangible, true, deep down feeling that is strong enough to withstand all the challenges that life throws at us as well as the red letter days of love, promotions and shopping?

Is it contentment?

Joy?

Excitement?

Peace?

I think it's different for different people, but for me it's contentment, peace, love and adventure. I know some of the things that make me happy on a day to day basis - being in nature, sunshine, spending time with people I love, being active, reading.

But I'm looking for more than day to day. I'm looking for a pathway to resilient mental health, a strong mindset so that I can wake up each morning feeling all the good feelings I dream of.

And I know it's not realistic to be happy every day. We all have ups and downs, face challenges and unexpected upheavals that bring us down. That's life. That's normal.

What's not normal is floods of tears, desperation, panic, anxiety and feeling totally out of control.

So in this blog I aim to discover the secrets of happy people and create a deep, lasting happiness for myself.

And at the same time I hope it can help you too, whether you're feeling stuck in life, struggling with stress, or simply looking for ways to infuse more joy into your days.

There's a huge amount of information on the internet about happiness, and lots of suggestions on how to be happier. Lots of the same old, tried and trusted options, like practise gratitude; build strong relationships; live in the present; find your flow, meaning and fulfillment; be kind to yourself; focus on your physical health; and develop a positive attitude.

And these are all evidence-based, successful strategies. In fact, research suggests that while genetics and circumstances play a role, about 40% of our happiness is influenced by intentional activities and habits.

Which is great. But it's not enough. What about the other 60%?

Conversely, too much emphasis and focus on happiness for happiness's sake is unlikely to bring us the lasting feelings we desire.

So a goal of 'be happy' is unlikely to be achieved.

Instead, it's important to remember the cliche that happiness is a journey, not a destination. There's a reason cliches are cliches - they're usually true. In this case, there's no magic formula that will make all of us happy.

We need to find our own, unique happiness formula, taking into our account our own individual experiences, values, beliefs and perspectives.

As the saying goes, happiness is an inside job. It's not about chasing after something outside of yourself. It's about discovering the peace and joy that exist within you, waiting to be nurtured to its maximum potential.

I'm excited about what I'll discover, the changes I'll make to my mindset, the habits I'll form as I create my own happiness formula.

And if any of this resonates with you, please do drop me a line at [email protected].

Love, peace and golden light,

Abi